A letter to the sheep

Dear Sheep:

124_2423_JFR.jpgKaytla, you are a bitch of the first degree. And yeah, we think we’ve gotten all the holes patched so you can’t get out anymore. Thanks for waking us up so bright and early this morning. Getting out three times is really more than is required, don’t you think? And um, you really didn’t need to teach your daughter how to remove the wire from the electric charger, did you? I’m starting to think fondly of Thanksgiving mutton.

124_2427_JFR.jpgSue, did you enjoy meeting Princess today? She’s going to make a great barn cat. I think it’s only fitting that we have Himalayan barn cats. They’ll fit right in with all the other woolied critters. And while I have your attention, you big bad boy, you really are being quite the little shit today, all strutting your stuff in front of the new ram. I hate to tell you, but he’s quite the studly boy, with all his majestic wool. He makes you look like a goat! Now stop knocking your damn new shed apart already.

You Lambs. SHUT UP. No, really. Enough with the constant baaa-ing. Yeah, yeah, you miss your mommies. I don’t care. None of you have been nursing for a long time, and three out of five of you are yearlings, so I have no sympathy whatsoever. Shut up. And just because we went to new pasture two days in a row, it does not mean that we go for new pasture every day. You are stuck in your pen, deal with it. Waaah, waaah, I don’t want to hear it. No, really. SHUT UP. And stop being so cute. I am NOT bringing you more treats.

124_2430_JFR.jpgYou new guys, what a joy you’ve been so far! You make the others look like major spoiled pains in the damn ass. You didn’t give any hassles at all, you don’t whine for grain, but I’m not sure how I’m going to get to know all of you at once. You all sure look great with your heavy winter coats, though. We hope you like your new home.

Be good while we go out to see a Gilbert & Sullivan play tonight, would you? We need a chance to dress up, eat out, and think of something beside sheep. Don’t knock the place down while we’re gone.



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